A New Definition of Sex

Oh buddy.  Sometimes I just can't believe it when it happens.  And sometimes I just laugh until I can believe that it happened.  Guy brings his girlfriend to us and says that she has been really pale for the last day or so and "isn't really feeling herself."  After a history and physical have been obtained, I ask about her allergies, the meds she's on at home, recent surgeries, anyone else close to her who has been ill lately, etc. 

Looking at the girl, yeah, she had that "look" that tells you they're really really sick.  Not just the usual crap that clogs the ER like the sniffles and hangnails.  Then I ask her when the last time she's had a BM was...she says that she is constantly pooping b/c she has a colostomy that it is coming out of, which had been put in after some major issues with her large intestine that led to much of it being removed. 

"Aha!" is what I'm thinking.  Now I'm getting somewhere (apparently she didn't consider this a "surgery" b/c it wasn't mentioned when I asked her about recent surgeries.).  So, if this was a recent procedure then I'm probably on to a post-surgical complication.  But alas, she had had the colostomy in place for a year and a half, so much of my guesswork was shot down.  So, I asked to look at it.  When I did, I knew that it was the source of the problem.  It was as if the stoma had been pushed inside of itself, and it was inflammed with a bit of pus-like drainage around the rim. 

When I query her about the condition that her colostomy is in, she says, "Oh, it always looks that way for a while after we have sex."  I ask for clarification...  "Well, it always ends up pushed in like that and is sometimes very raw after he is finished."  OMG!  Apparently, she has been letting her boyfriend have sex with the stoma/hole of her colostomy!!!  The pus-like drainage I saw...well, let's just say it actually wasn't pus, it was some donated material from him.  Ick!  Why do people do this shit?!

It turned out to be a very good thing that she had come in b/c she had a massive infection along with a pretty good sized bleed from his, um, appendage poking around in there.  Sheesh.